Just Another Day

Today has just been one of those days......
Bowling was just too much fun last night, NOT, I just will never know why I say yes to doing things that I know I will get tired of before it is over. I am on this bowling league and I am not a bowler, believe me, but it sounded fun when they asked and now I have to go every week till May. Last night I had an 80, 134, 100. I am such a bad bowler. The people pleasing part of me said yes, once again. That is just one of my many character defects that I need to work on.
Well I am not full of words of encouragement or inspiration today. Just too tired and locked into tunnel vision most of the day. Hope everyone had a great day.

Expectations and Circumstances

By relying on past experiences I have come to expect certain things from certain people and yesterday it seemed that every time I turned around the expectations I had in mind were drastically different from the way things were going. It was kinda one of those twilight zone days. This morning as I think back on some of those events I am truly puzzled. Some of you reading this may be thinking "What?" Let me explain: In my home I can usually expect certain reactions from my children especially the two older boys. If I say no you can't do this or no you can't go there, I can typically expect grumbling and groaning, not ok mom and not another word. Don't get me wrong it can be a great change from the norm, but not what I had expected from past experience. I have been told that one definition of Insanity is repeating the same mistake over and over again expecting a different result. Well what would it be when you expect the same response from someone when the circumstances are different every time. I am sure there is a lesson here somewhere and maybe it is just too early in the morning for me to get it, or maybe I have just not had enough coffee yet. I dont know. Something for me to ponder today. What do you think?

Saturated Sponge

Wow today has been all about Church, Bible reading, and learning about Gods word. It has been a GREAT day, but I feel like a saturated sponge. My head is so full if I lean my head to the side something might fall out. Just kidding I would have to tap on the other side of my head for that to happen.
I finished the book I have been reading, some might laugh if they knew what that book was, but it was a great place for me to start. This book has a cool story that I want to share. I had a patient that I was taking care of back in March of 2005 and she gave my kids a children's bible stories book and after I brought it home it quickly vanished into the abyss of their room not to be seen for 2 years. When my boys started going to Sunday school their teacher would give them an extra star if they brought their bible. Patrick found the bible stories book and brought it to me. It was in perfect condition, like it had never been opened, and the way these two boys are with books that was a miracle it had all its pages and no crayon or marker all over it. Well to make a long story short they never did take this book to church because before the next Sunday rolled around they both had brand new bibles in the plastic. Wonder where those came from? (Thanks you two) Patrick would not open his until Sunday morning, it was so cute. Now they never leave the house to go to church without them. Anyway back to the book. I started reading at least one story to the boys every night before they went to bed and in between I would read without them. It has been so cool to find the little things that this wonderful woman wrote in the pages of this book. I plan to try and find this woman this week, she has lost her husband since I last saw her and I don't know where she is, but she used to tell me every week that my boys needed to be in church and that they needed to have a good foundation in Christ. It just proves to me that God has had his eye on us for a long time. Kinda like the lost sheep story I was reading to the kids last night. Makes me cry tears of joy just thinking about it.....

Sunshine

The sun is out and the snow is melting. That is a good thing! The kids want to make snowmen or have snowball fights, but it is just way too cold. I am sure they will ask a million times today, can we go outside? Please mom can we go outside? They think if they ask nicer they will get their way. Does not work, but they will try. When I woke up this morning and saw the bright shiny sun coming through my bedroom window I was grateful for a couple of things. 1) If the sun is up and that bright I must have slept for several hours in a row. 2) The gloomy grey weather must be gone. I think that had a lot to do with the mood I was in yesterday. I ride an emotional roller coaster anyway and drastic changes in the weather don't help. I spent a lot of time last night reading and listening to music and praying. I have a favorite Psalm that when things get tangled in my head it seems to help. (Psalm 121) Today is a much better day!!! I had a comment last night from my mom and this is for her, I am fine, I do not sugar coat my posts and they may not all be cheery. If you are going to read my blog be ready to ride the roller coaster, and don't worry. Thanks for the sweet comment. I have several families that love me. My biological family, my church family, and my recovery family. What else could a girl ask for?

Grey Friday

Snow has arrived in Spearman and for some reason it is a good day to sit and watch it snow and cry. It is cold, and grey outside and today I just feel very teary. There are some days where the tears just roll for no reason. Don't they call today Black Friday? It feels like Grey Friday to me. Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful for our family. Hubby cooked the entire meal. I was very grateful for that. I worked most of the day and went home at noon to eat turkey with the family. The coolest thing of the day was all 6 of us around the table holding hands for a prayer that my husband said. (Even though he did pray for the Cowboys) Those of you who do not know us don't know just how big of a deal that was, and to those of you who do know us you know how big of a miracle that was. We are not a typical family to say the least. We are starting to resemble a normal family, but it will take more than just a month. Sometimes when my past and present comes crashing together my life feels like it has been shattered into a million pieces like a mirror that has been dropped on a marble floor. Now I am just trying to put all the pieces back together and not get too cut up in the process. I know that God will help me put my life back together again and it will come out better than before. Sometimes I have to be reminded of that, and that everything will be ok no matter what it looks like today.

Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing each and everyone of my blog buddies a Happy Thanksgiving.

Eternal Consequences

Wow I didn't realize that I had a soap box subject, but this morning I read the post from yesterday and I guess that is mine. The way people treat each other is a very big deal to me, now more than ever. I was thinking..... Wouldn't it be true that when someone is treated badly in church or by church members outside the walls of the church it can have eternal consequences. If you hurt someone and drive them away from the church family, especially before they come to know Jesus as their savior, you may be personally responsible for them spending eternity in Hell. That may sound harsh and may be completely wrong, but from this brand new baby in Christ it is what makes sense to me. One example that is running through my mind is the Sunday afternoon phone call to spread a little juicy gossip that is always started with "I am not supposed to tell anyone this, but" or "Guess what I just heard" or "Now don't repeat this, but" Why is that such a appealing thing for humans to do? I am just as guilty as the next person, but now my conscience is awake and very aware that what I was doing was wrong. I have been on the giving and receiving end of those phone calls and many times the subject. Do you really think that stuff does not get right back to the person you are talking about, especially in a small town, or small congregation. I don't want to participate in tearing people apart ever again. I will pray that the hearts of others will be pricked and their conscience awakened as mine has been and maybe we can all just love each other the way God loves us.
What do you think?

Love of a church family

I got back home around noon today. I have had the most amazing time. We have laughed till our ribs hurt. I enjoyed spending some time with my friends and meeting their church family. The youth group went bowling Sunday after church and they have a wonderful bunch of kids. It is obvious that those kids love Neva and missed her terribly. They just fit there!!! I now understand just how much they left when they moved to Texas. I am so very grateful that we had them as long as we did, but this is where they need to be. They are both very happy, and so is Little Dog. The love and acceptance of that congregation can be felt when you walk in the door. You don't get that everywhere, not even in Texas. I know that I do not have years and years of experience in what a church family is supposed to be, but I do have a lot of experience in what it is not. I personally have walked into a church with my small children and been looked up and down by snooty people that think they are better than others, and if that was not what they meant by their non smiling, unfriendly faces well it is what was felt. Now is that the way christian families should treat each other. It sure doesn't make a person want to return. I didn't for years. I am sure I am not the only one out there. If everyone would just treat each other the way they want to be treated the world would be a much better place to be. Didn't we all learn that in Kindergarten. Play nice, share, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything......... Sometimes just a smile says so much. I can't change the world, but I can sure be one smiling face that someone sees when they come to church for the first time, or the 10,000th time.........................

Nebraska

Well I arrived safely in Nebraska, I only had to turn around once to take something back to Spearman that was in the car. The drive was great, I still had around 100 songs left on the play list. It was very relaxing to just be in the car with out any kids to tell to stop it every 5 minutes. I called Patrick and read him his bible story page for the night. I didn't think I would miss him this quick, but I do. Thanks for all the prayers for safe travel. I am enjoying the quiet time and plan to do some reading tonight.

1440 minutes

In less than 24 hours I will be on my way to Nebraska. I am so excited. Everyone around me including my family is ready for me to get out of here so they do not have to listen to how many minutes are left till Friday morning. It will be wonderful to just get away for a few days and not have to think about work. It has been a long time since I was able to get away all by myself. Well it is going to have to be a very short post today, because I have a bunch to do in the next 1440 minutes.

Red Chart Cemetery

I work for Hospice and when someone dies we move all the paperwork into a red chart. Due to procrastination and lots of deaths lately my office looks like a red chart cemetery. I have to admit that is not an original thought, someone said that when they walked into my office the other day. Why am I blogging about this, well I am not real sure. Sometimes posts just take off in strange directions. I read the blogs of several of Neva's friends and they are always (well almost always) very inspirational and spiritual. To the readers of this blog, I do not have the knowledge base to quote scripture, and I usually don't say a lot of things to inspire. I am learning everyday and maybe someday words of wisdom will flow, but I doubt it.
I found it odd that one blog I read today was talking about funerals, we have had so many lately, two back to back this week. I wish it was against the rules to have grave side services when it is cold and windy. I am trying to get well by Friday so I can go on a trip to see my friend and the cold wind is not helping!! Well enough of this rambling today, gota get to the red charts so the paper work can be laid to rest like the patients that they represent.

Different Sunday Morning

This morning before my feet even hit the floor I started praying for this Sunday morning to be different. After reading a friends blog on investments I had been thinking about how most Sunday mornings have gone. I didn't want it to be filled with yelling, rushing around and complete ciaos before church. I prayed that the kids would be nice in church so that I could listen to the minister and that I would listen and not dislike him just because he is not the minister that was here before. That may not be nice, but it is honest...
This morning God answered my prayers in so many ways. Everyone was ready for church by 9:00 and I didn't feel stressed at all. We went to Sunday school as a happy little trio. Church was great too. Right after the kids returned from children's time they both laid down in the pew and went to sleep. That has never happened before. I was able to really listen to what the preacher was saying. They were things I needed to hear. Just when everyone was singing the invitational song the boys woke up. This may sound very trivial to some, but it was an answered prayer for me, on this different Sunday morning. I pray they can all be this different!!!!

Nate and the haircut

Today I decided to cut my 4 year olds hair. He had hair down to his nose and could not see out. I am a nurse by trade and should know better than to try and cut this kids hair, but I thought "How hard can it be?" I read the instructions on the clippers that I bought at Walmart and I did exactly what it said, and it didn't turn out like the picture. It will grow back and he does not seem to mind. He said it made him run faster as he swished out of the kitchen with a towel covered with his hair as his cape.

Priorities

I have noticed that over the past few weeks my priorities have changed drastically. The things that once were on the very top of my list have fallen to the very bottom or are no longer on the list at all. I am not saying that life is just peachy by any means, but I know that things have changed. Some of the things that really stand out are: 1) my taste in music, it has gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. (Rob Zombie to Casting Crowns) 2) I lived to play holdem poker in tournaments and now I couldn't care less about playing, I have tried and now I am bored to death, it is kinda weird. 3)I have been reading lots of blogs and I have found some very inspirational sites that have scripture and lots of things to think about, I didn't even know what a blog was a month ago. I know that God is working on my life and placing people in the exact spots that they need to be to guide me in the right direction. Some of those people have been here for years and some are new. I can see the awesome miracles of God if I will just open my eyes. One of those happened today. It feels like a battle between good and evil sometimes, and I just have to make the right choices. I have to learn to turn to prayer first and not last and know without a doubt that God is here to protect me if I will let him. I have a lot to learn, but the desire is there and even with baby steps I will get there. A friend told me to make a list of 10 things that I am grateful for tonight, so here goes...
1)My growing relationship with God
2)My family
3)My friends
4)My career
5)My health
6)My home
7)The fall leaves crunching as I walk in the yard
8)The stars and a beautiful night
9)Lots of music to listen to that is worth listening to
10)The past 5 years and not having to start over

The Cat and the Tahoe

Have you ever had to call the help line phone number for OnStar? Well I have. I had gone bowling with my league buddies last night and I had a phone call from my husband to report that somehow my car keys (both sets) were locked in my car. I told him we would call the dealership in the morning or something to get it unlocked. Then he said we had another problem, my cat was locked in the car. Well that was a problem, I had just had my car detailed the day before and well there was no litter box in the car. When I got home around 1030pm we started making calls. I called OnStar and they actually have a place on their recorded message that says: If you have a child or pet locked inside your car press 1. I did and they could not open the car because our service contract was not renewed. I didn't renew it because my kids kept pushing the blue button to talk to the lady. We tried to open the doors and I even shined a flash light on the button that opens the car and the cat would paw at it, but he was not heavy enough to trigger the unlock button. He was meowing his head off and wanted out, and to tell you the truth I was ready to break a window. Finally we called our local police department and they came out and opened the door in about 5 minutes flat. Now PJ (the cat) will not go near my car and we are getting another set of keys made. What a mess.... It is funny today, but it was not funny at all last night.

SAYING GOODBYE

There are some people that come in to your life that just leave footprints all over your heart, I have heard that before, and now I know that it is true. Two of my dearest friends have gone back to Nebraska. I am very grateful that they are so happy to be going home, but I will miss them just the same. There will be long distance phone calls, emails, letters and 12 hour round trips for visits, but I can't just jump in the car and drive down the street and see them. The town that they are returning to will be blessed with their return, and I know that a lot of the lives that they touched here will never be the same. I know that mine won't. Ned and Neva we are going to miss you.